Single, Not Desperate: Marketing Exploits Desires For Marriage
Single, Not Desperate: When Marketing Exploits Black Women’s Desire For Marriage [Op-Ed]
Nothing says “single woman in her 30s” like being flooded with “here’s how I found my husband in 12 months and you can too” content on social media. I’ve seen it all as someone who’s walked through 13 years of singleness. The “wife schools” are coaching programs tailored to successful Christian women, the polished reels that prey on our desire for love and companionship.
Before I realized these marketing strategies were designed to profit off my relationship status, I genuinely believed some were acceptable paths to finding a godly partner.
Christian women are often the target of messaging that capitalizes on our longing for marriage. And like any clever marketing formula, it starts by identifying a “problem,” dramatizing how much it’s affecting your life, and then offering an expensive solution to fix it. That solution usually looks like a course, coaching program, or mentorship with someone who claims to have cracked the “code.”
Let’s talk about how these messages manipulate and pressure single women into high-ticket coaching packages while slowly distorting their view of love, identity, and purpose.
You don’t have to scroll far to see “3 steps to your husband” packages or “date like a wife” headlines. From Instagram coaches to podcast hosts, there’s a growing crowd turning our God-given desire for love into a product. And they’re using social media algorithms to do it. These platforms track our age, clicks, location, and interests, then feed us content tied to singleness, marriage, or “how to attract a high-value man.”
The tone of ads targeted at single women is often drenched in shame, fear of missing out, urgency, and scarcity. I saw one ad that boldly said, “How to get married in 12 months by dating like a wife.” The post promised to teach women how to:
- Position themselves to be found (because apparently, we don’t know how)
- Inspire a man to pursue us.
- Stop “waiting on God” and start putting in the work.
- Use the techniques the coach used to find her husband, which she now claims will work for “successful Christian women.”
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This language isn’t unique. It’s a blueprint many dating coaches follow. And whether they realize it or not, it sends a harmful message: that your singleness is your fault. You’re still single because you haven’t worked hard enough, prayed the proper prayers, or mastered the strategy. If you’d “fix” a few things, you could finally be wife material.
It twists something that was never broken. It makes singleness seem like a problem, instead of a valid and beautiful season.
Let me be clear: I know singleness isn’t always easy. I’ve felt the disappointment. I’ve cried real tears. I’ve grieved relationships that didn’t work out. But singleness is not a punishment. And it’s not proof that something is wrong with you.
Because the church and culture idolize marriage, singleness often gets treated like a curse. People assume it’s empty, stagnant, or unfruitful. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
This kind of marketing works because it plays on our longing. Connection, intimacy, and companionship are all good and God-given desires. But if we don’t know our weak spots, we’ll be more likely to make emotional decisions and chase things God never called us to. Out of fear. Out of shame. Out of comparison.
I encourage this: don’t let loneliness or longing push you outside God’s will. Don’t sign up for a journey that promises quick results but takes you off course.
Singleness is not a disease to be healed from, and marriage is not the cure for everything you’re feeling. The ads won’t say that. The programs won’t admit it. But it’s true.
Before you’re anyone’s wife, you’re God’s daughter. That doesn’t change with a ring. And the singleness season is one of the most critical times to live in that truth. To let God be close to you. Let Him teach you what love is. To be known by Him and still feel safe. That’s where freedom starts, not at the altar. Marriage doesn’t erase loneliness. It doesn’t remove grief. I wish more married women were honest about that. Not to kill our hope but to ground it.
Being a daughter of God is not a phase. It’s your identity. And if we forget that, we’ll fall for anything that promises to complete us, especially the things that make us feel like we’re behind.
Most, if not all, marketing toward single women follows the same pattern: highlight singleness as a problem, overstate how a lack of companionship affects every area of life, and present a product, course, or service as the solution.
If we’re unaware of how we’re being targeted, we’ll overlook that our relationship status is being commercialized. And even worse, we’ll miss how that impacts our sense of identity, peace, and self-worth.
Recognizing that your identity isn’t tied to your relationship status and accepting that the desire for marriage can exist alongside a deep trust in God helps you discern when you’re being sold to and when to walk away.
Waiting on God doesn’t mean doing nothing. It’s an active faith. Stay in position. When the time for marriage comes, you won’t miss it. God doesn’t need an algorithm to find you.
MORE FROM SADE SOLOMON:
Study Shows That Single Women Are Happier Than Single Men
How To Tackle Finances In New Relationships
Scriptures For Drawing Strength From God’s Word In Your Single Season
Single, Not Desperate: When Marketing Exploits Black Women’s Desire For Marriage [Op-Ed] was originally published on elev8.com
